Lament, continued

I just remembered another of my diet blockers: crackers and hot sauce.

See, instead of  chips, with their high calorie/fat content, I eat crackers with hot sauce. And sometimes, that craving for hot sauce overwhelms me. I like it HOT, and I like a lot of it.

The hot sauce itself is great - low calorie, full of veggies. It's the crackers that are the problem.

I remembered it because I just scarfed about five crackers - large crackers. At least that many. In this case, five crackers are 115 calories. If I had more than that...

I know. I should have counted. Well - I certainly didn't have more than seven crackers.

That may sound like a great snack to you. But see, my allowed calories are so tiny, that 150 extra calories in the day puts fat on my stomach. It really does.

If I exercise - strenuously - I might come out even. But I've got a metabolism that's on ambien or something - it's so slow, it sleeps. And it makes me want to cry.

And give up.

These are the kinds of things that wipe me out, diet-wise. It's not soft drinks or lattes or donuts. It's the usually-healthy-good-for-you food I've got in the house.

Sometimes, I wish I had a soda habit. I wish I drank an 800 calorie coffee drink every day, or bought a Jamba Juice smoothie for every breakfast. It would be easy to lose weight then. But if I'm already not doing any of that stuff - where do I go?



 

Lament

Yes. It's been ages since I posted.

Excuse #1: I just got back from vacation. That takes care of the last two weeks.

Before that?

Excuse #2 (and this is the kicker): I'm sort of depressed about food, these days.

I know - that's not good for a personal chef to confess. But still, it's true.

The problem is weight. As in, too much. And it's really getting to me. I've been "trying" for a year to lose weight. I literally wake up every day, determined to keep the calories DOWN today. And practically every day, I fail. I did manage to drop six pounds, with LOTS of discipline and practically no calories. But it's all come back. Maybe a pound or two more.

I cannot be satisfied with my weight. I can't be one of those "happy with my body" people. Besides, with arthritis, iffy knees, and slightly elevated cholesterol (and a family history rampant with heart disease), I NEED to weigh less.

I'm punishing my body to do otherwise.

I've signed up with websites - the community sites with daily food tracking, and exercise trackers, and forums where I can get support from other people. I've kept food dairies until I can tell you without looking how many calories I've consumed.  I've tried to exercise - lunges and stretches and dancing to old rock 'n roll. But I always drift away from all of it.

Through it all, I've stayed true to my Real Food desires. No processed food. I won't eat sugar-free anything, but then I don't eat or drink a lot of sweetened things, anyway.

Well, except... I have a super sweet tooth. So, while I don't drink sodas (or even juice), and I don't use jams, and I don't buy smoothies or lattes or boxed cereal or energy bars, or any of that STUFF - I do love sweets.

You know, real sweets. Like homemade cookies or brownies or cake. Chocolate-just-about-anything. And while I don't keep those things around the house, I still crave them, and when I lose it, I really lose it. I make cookies and eat half the dough. Or I'll buy a bag of chocolate chips and eat half a cup, everyday until they're gone. I don't do it often. But I do it often enough. Or I'll mix up a a couple tablespoons of cocoa and sugar, with hot water to make a paste, and I'll eat that. With nuts.

I love nuts. Nuts are really good for you and they're good for your heart. But they have a LOT of calories and fat. So the key is just a little. Say a tablespoon or so every day. Or less. But if I don't have anything else in the house and I'm craving SOMETHING - I'll eat a half a cup of nuts without even thinking about it. And I do keep nuts in the house. All kinds.

And bread. Oh yeah, I LOVE bread. It's something I've been fairly successful at limiting, but it's one of the things that depresses me. I'd love to make a loaf of delicious whole-grain bread and have a slice or two. But I don't dare.

Cheese. Sorry. I've given up butter for the most part (no, I'm not using margarine)- but I'm not giving up the cheese.

And I hate it. Food should not be enemy. But there it is. There is too much food available to me and I don't have the discipline to not indulge.

So this is why I don't post. I don't want to think about food. I whine when I think about food. Yet today for lunch, I made a tomato soup that is practically zero calories (maybe 75 in the 1 1/2 cups I had), and I let myself have a slice of bread with provolone cheese melted on it. Which was probably 250 to 300 calories.

But the meal was pretty and fresh, and it tasted great.

So there.

Is it Brandy Yet?

Yes. It's brandy.

Apricot brandy.

I started it about two months ago, maybe three. All those apricots that filled our CSA box had to be used somehow. So they went into jars with vodka and sugar, for several weeks of turning up and down.

Now it's brandy*.

And very good, if I do say so, myself.


What happened to the apricots? Those luscious little gems were simmered with a little butter and tucked away to use as a topping for cakes or ice cream. They are potent buggers!

*Well, more like a fruit liqueur, but why quibble?

Meet your greens, part 3: Taking the stand against the veggilantes

These articles over at Ethicurian show the nuts and bolts of food policy as the USDA holds hearings on vegetable marketing. Regulation is important; the problem is that policy is written from the assumption that Great Big Monoculture is the best way to grow food. This approach is a death knell to sustainable farming practices.

The thing is: if we don't learn to live "sustainably," we're heading for a meltdown of civilization, with an environment that's so degraded, the survivors of said meltdown simply might not pull through.

This is part 3 - it would be a good idea to link back to parts 1 and 2. And if you have time, read some of the links.

Meet your greens, part 3: Taking the stand against the veggilantes

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Here It Is:

The first pumpkin of the season.

I cooked it this morning. What shall I do with it? Pie? Soup? Ravioli?

We had another yummy dinner the other day. Sometimes the simplest things can be done. I had some cod, but didn't want to do the usual fry or bake, and anyway, I was low on veggies to go with it. Shocking, I know, but there it is.

I had some fresh noodles in the frig, so I put on some water to boil them, then sauteed the fish in a skillet until it was just done. I took out the fish and added olive oil and lots of garlic. Oh, and a generous sprinkle of red pepper flakes. Then I added some white wine and let it simmer for a while. After throwing in a splash of lime juice (no lemon), I broke the fish up into pieces and added it to the pan, then the noodles, and the small bit of leftover chard I had in the frig. That wasn't enough green for me, so I went hunting in the freezer and pulled out a bag of peas. A couple of handfuls of those added some good nutrients.

This was so good, served with a sprinkle of parmesan cheese and a nice white wine. I'm having the leftovers for lunch!

Chicken and leftovers

Yummy chicken last night. We were able to get a couple of birds from Soul Food Farm and I cooked one of them for dinner. It's been HOT here, so I did not want to turn on the oven. So I "roasted" it on the stove by browning it in some olive oil and cooking it in a sauce for an hour.

I used some enchilada sauce that was in my freezer. I think my step-daughter-in-law made the sauce when they were here in May. It was great! I served it over polenta - I was going to make spoon bread, but remember about the oven?

Rounded the meal out with steamed chard and a margarita.

Lovely.

Fire at Soul Food Farm

I love to buy chickens and eggs from this farm, and this is heartbreaking news. I'll be helping them out, for sure!

http://www.ethicurean.com/2009/09/04/soul-food-fire/